Sooo...ok, bummer that Bridesmaids didn't win anything tonight (and I might add Woody Allen didn't even SHOW UP to accept his Oscar...because he feels he is above that....rude), but super pumped for Octavia and Meryl!!
Anyway, while watching this movie the other night for the gazillionth time, I realized...my life is a lot like Kristen's character Annie in the movie. Well, ok so I don't live with a couple of strange British wackos who go through my room and wear my clothes, but I do find myself feeling a lot like she does at times. I guess it's just what happens during a rough transition period. I recently moved back in with my parents, which is something I was not planning on. I graduated in May and I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend of four years to a whole different state. Sadly, he had a bizarre nervous breakdown of sorts dealing with the stress of everything that comes with graduation and he never really recovered. In the blink of an eye, the guy I knew and loved was nowhere to be found---and I was left without a plan. I've always been certain of my dreams and goals, but it's funny---when you care about someone so much and you have built up a future with them in your head and heart...it takes a long time for you to remember who you are when they are gone.
So I have been living with the parentals back in my hometown trying to figure it all out. I have a small savings built up, but not yet to a place where I feel comfortable moving somewhere on my own. I'm in love with the big city, so that makes it even more pertinent that I actually have enough saved before making that big of a move. So for now it's my hometown, my childhood room...surrounded with stuffed animals, a canopy bed, old music boxes, and whole lot of hazy memories of a girl I used to know.
Now my parents aren't nearly as crazy as Annie's mom in the movie, but I do think I will forever be like Peter Pan to them and never age past 15. I am not ungrateful to them--I'm willing to guess not a whole lot of parents would actually WANT their kids to move back in with them for a long period of time (my dear ol' dad keeps dropping hints he would be just fine with me staying a few years and then moving somewhere close to home) but I became a very different person while I was away. And I grew up. And waking up in my childhood bedroom sometimes brings the illusion that I just dreamed up the past four years...that I am really still the shy, awkward teenager desperately trying to feel comfortable in her own skin. I will not go back there. I have made too much progress to take any steps back. And this is why this situation can only be temporary---I have to have a light at the end of the tunnel--a place where I feel I am continuing to move forward. So I have decided to get a new job (my old temp job recently ended) and save up enough to maybe move in the next few months. We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed.
It's also a really strange thing....but being at the young age of 22...being single feels like I have failed at times. HOW WRONG IS THAT?? It may just be the ghost of the life I thought I was going to have still trying to haunt me, but sometimes it really feels like we have moved back 50 years, and age 22 is an old maid who might as well go out and buy a bunch of cats. In the past month I have signed on to be a bridesmaid in two weddings (for two friends who are also 22---I had serious Annie moments with both where I was thinking "What is happening??!!" when they asked me), and I have watched a close friend buy a nice new apartment with her boyfriend who she suspects is about to propose--a friend who graduated a year early from college so she could be sure to move in with him right away. Excuse me...but what is the rush? Did I miss something? Is the world really ending this year and everyone is suddenly getting nervous? Even if I was still with my ex, marriage was not something I wanted right away. I'm sorry, but I think at this age we should still have some room for being a bit selfish. I want to figure out who I am first, start a career--have something that is just mine. It's also a lot easier to take risks knowing you would only fail on your own--not with the added worry of also failing someone who was depending on you. I mean, I went to college so I could do something with my life---not so I could get married the second the graduation cap is thrown in the air and have to make every decision based on another person for the rest of my life. I would hate never knowing what it is like to make a decision on my own. Plus I can barely take care of myself right now, let alone another person...not even really a PLANT....
Plus, I think people still change a lot after their 20s. We hear people say don't rush through being young all of the time, so there has to be some truth to it. And people always warn about how there are so many things that will happen that you aren't prepared for. I recently heard from another friend that she is already getting a divorce after two years of marriage--she is 24. The first thing she said to me was "Well, I shouldn't be surprised...I guess it goes along with the normal predictions when someone gets married so young..." So I will ask again...what is the rush?? Does anyone else find this familiar??
How did you deal with the transition period after college? Was it what you expected?
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